Gabey Guy can’t be bothered with all the “sit/stand/kneel” stuff. These cankles are made for walking!
You can probably toss this in the bulging “How do I get more out of Mass?” file, but, hey, I’ve never written a blog post on the topic myself so here goes. We’ve simultaneously passed two tipping points in our young boys’ behavior during Mass. Our oldest, just over four, now can manage to be pretty calm and quiet during most of Mass. There is always the obligatory run to the restroom, and of course he doesn’t have the attention span to sit quietly and take everything in; but overall he is better behaved than, say, a year or so ago.
Our youngest, in all of his nineteen-monthness, has flipped the opposite way. He used to be content being held or even sitting in his carseat, as long as a toy or book distracted him (without a toy or book, he was always tracted). Now, though, his chubby little legs aren’t satisfied staying in a single pew. If I try to pick him up to calm him down, he fusses so much that my shirt, hair, whatever, gets all disheveled (not that I put a lot of effort into being sheveled). Usually twice during Mass we are headed back to the narthex so he can run laps between the baptistery and the stairs to the choir loft, occasionally helping the ushers with the collection count.
Even though I can still hear the Mass while watching the laps in the narthex, there is that nagging voice that complains “I can’t even pay attention to the priest! Mass is supposed to be a prayerful time but, in having to wrangle two tykes, I know it isn’t prayerful for me, and I can only hope that they aren’t distracting too many other parishioners.” So, here are a few thoughts on how to navigate the Mass-with-children routine that I hope I will remember myself next week:
- Read the Mass readings beforehand. It’s almost a guarantee that, if you have kids (or are seated next to a family that does), you will miss hearing part of the readings. Going over the readings beforehand, especially together with your family before leaving for Church or even on the car ride there, can be a great way to “till the soil” so that the seeds planted during Mass can bear better fruit. If you are lucky and can hear all the readings without distractions, great! If you can only catch some snippets being read, at least your memory can fill in the rest.
- Read the Mass prayers beforehand too. The iBreviary app (and I’m sure others as well) contains not only the readings but the antiphon and opening prayer, the prayer over the gifts, the preface, and the antiphon and prayer after communion. These help to tie together the readings or the particular feast or saint’s day, so that the Mass from beginning to end shows a prayerful continuity.
- Point. Perhaps this is rude (any priest-readers of this blog, please let me know in the comments), but I can always manage to attract my son’s attention for a little while by pointing to things in church. During the processional, I always point to the crucifix and then the priest as they process down the center aisle; kids naturally want to watch. During readings, I point to the lector. During the consecration, I point to the priest at the altar. Even if it’s just a few seconds, and even ifthey aren’t able to pay attention for long, the kids know that something important is happening when Dada points it out.
- Sing. We all should be doing this anyway, but kids seem to enjoy hearing their parents sing at Mass and will usually join in too. While they usually can contribute with their own “Amen” and “Lord, hear our prayer,” kids get a kick out of being able to sing during Mass. Let your kids pray twice.
- Tell your kids why Mass is important. Adapt it to their level, but remind them that we go to church to give thanks to God for all He has done for us. Our four-year-old knows that Jesus had nails put in his hands and feet because He loves us, that we go to Mass to thank Him for getting “boo-boos” for us, and that we are happy He is alive. When we go up for Holy Communion, he knows that we are going to receive Jesus.
- Show them, every day, that Jesus is important to you. If Jesus only enters the family conversation once a week, they aren’t going to see the significance of going to Mass. Pray with your kids, and pray for yourself in front of your kids. During our prayers before he goes to bed, I always ask God to make me a better father since my son is only too aware of how much I fall short in that department. I think it is important for him to see that I need God’s help.
- Relax. The power of the Mass does not lie in our ability to participate in it. We should participate as much as possible, yes, but God knows that full attention and participation is hardly ever going to be possible, even for people without kids. We get distracted, we let our tongues rattle off memorized prayers without thinking too much about what they mean, we think about stuff we are going to have to do at work tomorrow, etc. But Mass isn’t a lecture, a concert, or a movie; the sacrament of the Eucharist abides by ex opere operato as the other six do. Whether it’s your own fussy kids that are keeping you from paying attention at Mass, or someone else’s kids “ruining” Mass for you, you’re getting Jesus’ body, blood, soul, and divinity every time you receive.
Essentially, your kids will only love the Mass to the extent that you do. As with so much else in child-rearing, kids learn more by watching what you do rather than listening to what you say. If they seethat you pray, that you read Scripture, and that you are humble and reverent during Mass, that speaks louder than if you just tell them to pray, read Scripture, or be quiet during Mass. Kids need to know the why as much as they need to know the what; talk to them about why Jesus and the Church are important to you, and why you love being able to go to Mass to give thanks to God.
And if your kids are nineteen months, make sure you wear comfortable walking shoes to Mass.